Originally published January 5, 2008
Nick: For the first interview of 2008, I had to pull a few strings, make a few calls, but our guest today was kind enough to make the long trek to Kendallville for an exclusive. In the hot seat today is none other than Janus, patron god of January. Welcome.
(Janus inclines his head.)
Nick: It must be quite an honor to have a month named after you, especially such an important one. How does it make you feel to claim the first month of every new year as your own?
Janus: I look forward to it with eager anticipation. When it comes, I am always disappointed.
Nick: I’m sorry to hear that.
Janus: The future is always better than the present. You can dream about the future; you can change the future. But when the future arrives as the present, it smacks you in the face, bloodies your nose, and bustles past without so much as a “Pardon me.”
Nick: I suppose that happens sometimes…
Janus: It gets worse, though. By the time you brush yourself off and steel yourself for another day, dreaming about how this time she’ll smile at you and shake your hand and maybe give you a pat on the back, tomorrow comes and hits you over the head with a sledgehammer. After that, all you can think of is how wonderful yesterday was when all you got was a bloody nose. And soon you begin to look upon the bloody nose with a sort of fondness and you begin to say to yourself, “Remember how warm that blood was and how alive I felt when I hit the ground and how much I appreciated the experience. I always have a story to share at parties now.” And so you begin to dream about bloody noses. But tomorrow comes and steps on your toes instead. Then the next day spits in your face. A whole week stares at you as if ready to perform an act of wickedness but does nothing but grin slyly and walk away. Suddenly, one day arrives and greets you fondly, hugs you and even kisses you, but you’re so preoccupied with the dream of a bloody nose that you don’t even notice. By the time you get it into your head what’s happened, another week has passed in sullen silence. You discard your dreams of bloody noses, looking again for that Sweet Day that kissed you and–whack!–there’s the bully smashing in your face again.Nick: Er…that a rather cynical view of life…
Janus: Do you know what I remember of my 16th birthday?
Nick: I’m afraid I don’t.
Janus: We had ice cream cake. All my friends were over and quite a few people I didn’t like, too. I opened loads of gifts, and my Dad even bought home a used chariot he had purchased for me. It should have been a wonderful birthday. But Proserpina was there, and she handed me my present so sweetly, smiling at me like she saw only me. But she held Pluto’s hand. I have her gift still at home. It’s such a shameful gift. Every time I look at it I remember that day and how I wanted nothing more than for her to kiss me, for her to spit in Pluto’s face. And I’m ashamed of the gift now because I’m aware that she’ll never kiss me, but I still keep it and dream and make little fantasies in my head about how she’ll kiss me someday.
Nick: (silence) …I’m sorry.
Janus: Don’t be. You might as well apologize for the creation of the world. I know better than most how constantly disappointed we all are. But if Jupiter, the father of gods, changes lovers with the setting and rising of the sun, I don’t see how the rest of us are going to manage much better. As mutable as the father, so all those under him.
Nick: …I don’t believe Jupiter is the father of gods.
Janus: Oh, you’re one of those Cronus worshippers. He’s in prison, you know.
Nick: No…older than that, who’s not so…changeable. I’ll explain after the interview. One final question: You’re well-known among the gods for having two faces, one that looks forward and one that looks backward. Do you think having these two faces hinders you from living in the present?
Janus: Look, the present holds only a single moment. I have centuries of regrets, guilt, bitterness, fond memories, and nostalgia burdening me down and centuries of daydreams, hopes, plans, anxieties, and fantasies lifting me up. What does the measly present have on that?
Nick: Well, some have said that the present is where we touch eternity.
Janus: I know for a fact that I have eternity too. Late at night, sometimes, I relive all my best moments and lament at their passing. Or I stew in regret and construct fantasies to relieve me of them. I’ve lived quite a few eternities on my bed. Do you think living life comparable to that? What worlds I have in my head!
Nick: I can imagine. Well, thank you Janus for your time today. If you don’t mind staying a moment, I can explain what I meant earlier.